You don’t like the flavour? Go try another, it’s free, there are plenty more to go round and everybody’s doing it so what’s the harm? Ghosting is the perfect solution.” If men never actually say it’s over, they think, after it doesn’t work out with someone else, maybe it will be perfectly fine, months later, to show up at your door again. He’s keeping his options openĭating is a gameshow: you never know how it’s going to go and, thanks to apps pitching a new love interest every millisecond, it’s easier to hedge your bets. Maybe he pushed it too far and is worried you’ll keep asking him when you can finally go for a spin in that Lamborghini he mentioned. Whether we’re ordering a triple-shot cortado to show the barista who’s boss or pretending we’re an astronaut when talking to strangers in the taxi queue (just me, then?), we all big ourselves up when trying to impress.
“Could be he got what he wanted in the numbers game.” He’s worried about being caught out in a lie Maybe he’s just a player and is with someone else,” she says. But there may be some truth in it, according to Hills, who says a typical ghoster might suffer anxiety or a lack of self-worth. This is what any quick-thinking man would tell you should you bump into him and ask why he ghosted you. That final text could be the catalyst for years of bitterness back and forth, half-hearted booty calls, drunken Christmas “I love yous” and the occasional dick pic. This is still widely viewed as pretty cold and thoughtless, but there’s another scary side effect: it’s a channel left transmitting into the ether even when you’re ignoring each other.
If we don’t want to say bye-bye face to face, the only alternative is do it over the phone. “Ghosting isn’t so much about communicating we’re not interested in another,” says Wax, “but may demonstrate there were poor communication skills from the start.” Texting is somehow… ruder? Is anyone’s life enriched by “It’s not you, it’s me” and its dreary fabricated derivatives? If a man hasn’t felt comfortable communicating that his needs aren’t being met, he might prefer to blow it up rather than look demanding or risk being dumped himself. “It’s also a power thing: cutting someone dead is having the ultimate last word.” There’s also the inescapable reality that a face-to-face breakup leads to questions like “Why?” or “What did I do?” and nobody wants to tell the truth – or hear it, for that matter. “Some people can’t stand up and say how they’re really feeling, it takes a great deal of confidence,” says Hills. “The ghoster acts out their belief the relationship never felt real in the first place.” It’s hard to break up in person Instead, this guilt is transferred onto the victim. “Putting on a pretend invisibility cloak makes individuals think they won’t suffer emotions of guilt after parting ways,” he says. “The love-’em-and-leave-’em mentality underpinned by their conditioning endures.” It’s like an extension of the grotesque “treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen” (whoever coined that should be sentenced to a lifetime of phone calls from PPI companies), but by blanking, ghosting, suddenly losing the ability to read and reply, we’re falling into traps of our own making.įellow therapist Gordon Wax, also on Counselling Directory, agrees that, traditionally, men have tended not to explore uncomfortable feelings, but says more men are contacting him to talk about their issues than ever.
WHAT MEN WANT MEME FREE
“In the sexual arena, traditionally, men have had free rein,” says Hills.
WHAT MEN WANT MEME HOW TO
The beaming, slimy jack-the-lad teaching us how to “chirpse”, the po-faced transatlantic Zen-bot ordering us to get in touch with our feelings, or the sassy veteran (still single) barking out rules about who should text first – it’s a minefield. The world is awash with terrible dating gurus pumping out mixed messages.
WHAT MEN WANT MEME SERIAL
If you’re scratching your head wondering what went wrong – or are a serial ghoster looking for a vitamin shot of self-awareness – here’s what might be behind that heartless, silent adieu. OK, maybe it’s a little more complex than that.